How to cope with the death of a parent?

How to cope with the death of a parent?

In childhood, we are sheltered from pain and suffering, we watch colourful Tv programmes, dance in the rain, and stress is a word not within the realms of our comprehension.

If only life could be so simple. But the unfortunate reality is there is trauma hiding behind every corner.

Losing a parent at such an early point in your life, shouldn’t happen, I should rephrase that, losing a parent at such an early point in your life happens, and it leads to an inevitable darkness. It may seem like happiness is a distant memory, one never to be seen again, but this darkness flows like a river, peaking and troughing as we voyage through life, the following list is some ways to deal with the grief following the passing of a parent or loved one.

Emotional avalanche

The first thing I would say is to allow your emotions to be present.

Losing a parent is one of the most emotionally challenging aspects of life. The loss doesn’t just leave an empty seat at the table, it leaves a dark Grief, that suffocates happiness.

Although painful, grief is an entirely necessary part of your healing.

All that pain and anguish bubbles up inside of you, and it needs to be released. Accept that your tears will run wild, and anger becomes a constant thorn in your mind.

Losing a parent or loved one is mentally and physically horrific, listen to your soul, listen to your needs, let those complex emotions see the light.

Reach out to friends

I grew up surrounded by trauma, but I struggled to share my trauma as I lacked the emotional dialogue to express what I was feeling. It was easy to dismiss the pain of home life and keep my inner emotions locked up in a small box in my mind. After all, why would I be open and share my thoughts when no one else was?

However, this isolation keeps our thoughts circulating, and we become accustomed to the very darkness we try and run from.

Studies have shown sharing emotional experiences even negative ones make us feel better.

In his study (Wagner, 2014) showed that people felt less sad when viewing an upsetting image when they thought their friend was viewing it too. Suggesting benefits associated with emotional sharing. Our pain reduces as others become aware of what we are experiencing.

Sharing our feelings is not an easy feat, but as our mask lowers, we get to be honest and learn so much more about ourselves, a huge weight lifts off our shoulders, and our understanding of the inner self strengthens.

If you need help or someone to talk to, support from your friends will always come your way.

Get into writing or journaling

I am a huge advocate when it comes to writing. Writing the thoughts and inner dialogue of the mind helps to descramble the confusing notion of grief. Journaling is a simplistic coping method, all that is required is a pen, some paper, or possibly a tablet.

Journaling helps you become introspective; it allows you to take a deep look at grief-related memories.

Grievers deal with a wide onslaught of traumatic memories, avoiding these memories is something we know all too well. However, this avoidance can lead to problems that don’t go away on their own.

Thereby we can look to journaling as an effective method to confronting the traumas we may naturally run from. Journaling allows us to live in harmony with our grief, providing a healthy mechanism to deal with triggers, face our anxieties, and, also helps to improve the quality of sleep.

Continue with your hobbies

At first, the idea of continuing with your day to day life, participating in activities that provide that serotonin boost, may sound like an impossibility.

But gradually, start doing little things to help find those pleasures in life again.

These could include, walks in the park with friends, or venture to your favourite art museum, anything to get that sense of normality back.

Most importantly, whatever you do regularly, continue doing it. Having a hobby provides a healthy distraction from your grief, it also drives self-expression

Physical activities like boxing will help to defuse and channel your anger.

Your loss journey is incredibly unique, your experiences and emotions are yours, and yours to keep.

Listen to your gut, if you need to stay at home and keep to your thoughts, do that.

Equally, if you want to get drunk and have a good night out with your friends, do that as well.

Lastly, manage your grief expectations, grief is our best and worst friend, but don’t try and fight it.

Living with loss is hard, but we can all get through it together.