There will always be sunnier days

The other day I took a nostalgic visit to the early pages of my journal.

In what was just a way to pass the time I found myself highly engrossed with the early writings of a young JB.

We will get back to this and the reason for this blog entry in a bit.

First some background,

I started journaling, or as I like to think of it swearing on a page,

when I lost Mum.

I never intended to join the journaling elites, but once I started my writing training, I never stopped.

Journaling allows me to detach from the thoughts that try and take over my life.

These thoughts like to berate boldly my every move, they get turned on by the idea of depression, trying absolutely anything to break my mental health muscles.

But journaling acknowledges those thoughts and says fuck that, if you want to get to him you have to go through me.

Journaling has been my best companion on my worst days, there’s never judgement, just me a pen and some slightly terrible handwriting.

As you can probably tell I’m a keen journal man, which sounds pretty weird when you say it like that, but the truth is I love it, and for my 20th birthday dad got me a fancy journal, with my name engraved, which will come in handy if I ever forget my identity.

But yeah, I’m very passionate in that department.

Back to point of this post.

It was last Tuesday, or it could have been Wednesday, and I had some time in between lectures, So I was like Bellman random thought "what was the first thing you ever journaled?"

Sometimes I refer to myself in the third person, it’s strangely annoying, but Bellman can’t help it.

The entry occurred a couple of months after I lost Mum to cancer.

This was a point in my life where everything I knew was consumed by Grief.

I wrote about my pain, how alone I felt, and how I didn’t deserve to escape the sadness trap.

Yeh, that all sound highly depressing, but you have to remember, I felt there was no reason to be happy. My best friend and mother just died.

I kept reading and the narrative stayed the same until I saw the last line and my words were as follows.

“Life hits you hard but I know there will always be sunnier days”

Here I am, 18 months since that initial journal entry, and the road has certainly not been easy, little did we know a fat global pandemic was lurching around the corner.

I say we, but I reckon Bill Gates had an inkling (Is that a conspiracy?)

Life is tough there’s no denying that, we can’t be happy all the time and sometimes that sadness grounds us in reality, but that sadness is only temporary, we will smile again, we will laugh and find happiness in the most unlikely of sources because, despite any challenges we’ve faced, there will always be sunnier days.